Our records show that you reserved a student ticket for one of the first 3 Baylor Football games but did not attend. As a result, you risk failing our newly created required course, FTB 1310, as well as disappointing Sawyer Robertson. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

 

What This Means:

 

Basically, we hate you and we don’t want you to have any fun. We know you want beer and, quite frankly, we’re getting a little bit tired of your tone. You WILL go to the games. Aranda WILL run it up the middle. You WILL get loud on third down. You WILL give our football team the love and care our Acro Tumbling team deserves. We WILL NOT win. Any dissenters will be summarily shot. That means you, cunt.

 

How to Avoid Future Restrictions:

 

If you're unable to attend a game after reserving a ticket, blow yo shit smoove off gang.

 

To return your ticket:

    1.    Ask nicely

    2.    Remember that you are here by my benevolent hand

    3.    Bring a small, sinless animal

    4.    Purge yourself of evil

 

Remember, there are starving kids in Africa, and you should be thanking us for having football at all.

 

Thank you for taking the time to review this policy. Not that you had any choice in the enforcement of this policy. It’s our policy, and we can enforce whenever we like and maybe you should just stop crying. We look forward to welcoming you back in the stands, not selling you the beer you want, and never figuring out why our home games are empty!