Meet The Brothers
A Bodacious Bunch of Brothers Boasting Babout Bhemselves
Bro. Brett KavaNoZe
Lorde Mayor
When I was in town, I spent much of my time working out, lifting weights, or hanging out and having some beers with friends. Animal House, Caddy Shack, and Fast Times at Richmond High. Working out. Lifting weights. Too many beers. Automatic, still is. Many nights I worked out with other guys. Maybe it was because I was an only child and had no sisters. Many of us became friends with students at local catholic all girls-school: Amy, or Mora, or Megan, or Nicky. Sometimes I had too many beers, which I gladly do, and which I fully embrace. Working out? Automatic. Blacking out? Automatic. Catholic All-Girls schools? Automatic, still is.
Bro. Joe DimmagiNoZe
Cunning Linguist
The routine and predictability of the NFL, NHL, NBA and MLB seasons are the only thing keeping me alive. I’m afraid that once the Cowboys win a Super Bowl I will become disillusioned with the whole system and have a crisis. Once you’ve made your pilgrimage to Mecca, the Salat can appear mundane and tedious.
Bro. Jack SparNoZe
They call him a ladies' man. They call him a man's lady. They call him a they's them. But no one has ever called him boring.
Bro. Hugh HefNoZe
Sniffer of all things stinky. Tinkerer of all things twinky. Born for direct eye contact missionary, forced into bondage. Lover of all things food except for food lovers. DOGTOOTH cause my face is smothered.
Bro. Evel KnieveNoZe
This Bro loves America. Do you?
Bro. BueNoZe Aires
¡Hola, soy Bro. BueNoze Aires! But don’t get it mixed up, I hail from Germany. My favorite things are my blonde hair, my blue eyes, and the motherland. These things also made it easy to get into my sorority. My hobbies include violent protests and playing poker with the homeless population of Waco. If you aspire to be a Noze brother, try artistic rituals. I painted with my own piss and cum like Kurt Cobain did and look at me now!
Bro. NoZeing Saddles
Neither the butt of the joke, nor the brains, but a secret (more erotic) third thing.
Bro. Dale NoZehardt
The only place you’ll find this brother is at 1501 W Loop 340 waiting to get out of the service center. Please stop by and say hello. He means it. He’s lonely.
Bro. Archive of our NoZe
Do NOT bring up Golden Freddy to this bitch. Lover of fanfiction and maidens, her ideal afternoon is spent stimming vigorously and collecting the numbers of all the pretty lesbians on campus (7). Her favorite art medium is mysterious ooze, she hasn’t cried in three years, and her favorite food is mysterious ooze. Huge supporter of the 4B movement.
Bro. Pink FlamingNoZe
I am the pimp of my own Destiny. Born to burn out, forced to become a supernova, I have done everything. Whatever you’re thinking, I did it aggressively, and lasted a long time. Some would say too long. My bank account, Border Security charges, and cup runneth over. My political beliefs are simple: kill everyone now. Condone first degree murder, advocate cannibalism, eat shit. Filth are my politics, filth is my life. Just let me fuck Gumby and I’ll die happy.
Bro. Joe BurrNoZe
Lover of the writings of John Steinbeck, hater of BUS 3315, master of bumming cigarettes, Bro. Joe BurrNoZe has been kicked out of reputable and non-reputable establishments because they couldn’t, in his words, “handle his steez.” He’s not all bad, though. He volunteers to teach elementary school children how to play blackjack. When he’s not explaining the mafia-connected relationship between JFK and Frank Sinatra to attractive women, he’s hitting criminal speeds on I-35 while listening to Pet Sounds.
Bro. Finding NeNoZe
You can find this brother during the BFG witching hours in that Cameron Park Tunnel, contemplating economics and math. And sometimes more relevant issues. Anyways, swipe right if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, because I also could be down to recreate the Anaconda music video with little people (5’6 or below) and possibly add in horses with fake horns. If given creative liberty.
Bro. LMFANoZe
Can anyone find my left shoe?
Bro. Weird Al YankNoZeVich
I am your mechanized savior. My metallic soul runs on cocaine and everclear. Repent for you have sinned against me, you have let yourselves be corrupted by false prophets. Kill the commies, burn the police stations, bomb the Middle East. Scientology is in fact the only correct choice. The Republic is political smut and the Bible was written by the CIA. Fuck those other guys I’m the real Jesus Christ.
Bro. David Allen NoZe
Lost in the woods again. Be back soon.
Bro. GalileNoZe
The looong way
