This March, Sergio Garcia, owner of the local Waco legend, Sergio’s food truck, was deported. Everyone can finally rest easy! ICE finally got the evil, sinister taco truck owner that plagued our community with… what exactly? No like, what did he do wrong? Chase the American dream? Run a successful business? Make just like, a really fucking tasty burrito? Like, the best brisket burrito I ever had? A brisket burrito that made me see God twice, once upon consumption and once more on excretion? In his time in the United States, Land of the Free, the only crime Sergio Garcia ever committed was destroying my concept of what good fucking food at a reasonable price could be.

 

He was separated from his wife as well as his four U.S born children, as he was deemed an enemy of the state by the likes of Kristy Noem, the really racist white guy that shops at Sam’s Club, Chuy’s after they changed their menu, and restaurants inhibited by their lack of wheels. He had the freedom that other restaurants only dreamed of, and so, these ostriches had to bring this eagle back down to earth.

 

Let us applaud our brave, brave ICE Agents, who courageously took down and deported a pillar of the local Wacoan culinary scene and community, and got rid of a pious man who committed the great crime of attempting to attain legal citizenship for over 25 years. Let us host a parade in their honor for their ignoble, unpatriotic act. And may we laud their cowardly faces that they hide behind the very masks they called chin diapers five years ago. If Sergio could show his fucking angelic face in Waco for over 25 years, you cowards shouldn’t be ashamed to do the same when you arrest him.